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Article:
Empowering the Next Generation: Carpe Diem
Jacksonville Attorney - Lawyer,
providing experienced Consumer Protection, Family Law, Estate Law,
Employment Law, Business Law, and Bankruptcy Law legal
representation in Jacksonville, Hilliard, Duval County,
Nassau County and the surrounding Northeast Florida areas.
By Steven
M. Fahlgren, Esq., (904) 845-2255
Let’s help our kids seize the day and prepare for the
real world. I frequently hear the adage I want my child
to “enjoy their high school years (or college years).”
Sometimes, we adults spend our entire lives trying to
overcome a real or perceived trauma from our youth. As
parents, some of us want to avoid “stressing out” our
children during their development years because we can
remember being stressed as a young person. We recognize
that they could improve their job skills, etc. but it is
not worth the cost. As with most anything, too much of
a good thing is not always good. Some parents even
become “helicopter parents” who do everything possible
to keep their children from facing any challenges that
might result in failure. If we continue to lower the
expectations of young adults and encourage them to be
self-focused, we might only be contributing to
unnecessary and additional stress for our children when
they reach the real world and try to navigate it with
poor skills and unrealistic expectations.
A
lot of things have changed over time. Historically, our
nation was agriculturally based and many families
depended on all members of the family to contribute to
the family economy in order to survive. There were
either children or young adults (at the age of 12-13
years of age) and many worked very capably alongside
their parents in their daily work. However, due to
abuses of children over working in deplorable conditions
during the industrialization era, the child labor laws
were enacted. With each subsequent generation, the
pendulum has swung a little further away from children
at work to children at play. It has become the
predominant cultural view that “play” is the work of
children and the concept of children has expanded to age
18 and beyond with the terms “teenager” and “twenty
something”. With the exception of military service, we
shelter many young people from many experiences until
they have turned 21. I think we have gone too far.
Children’s work helps to provide development of work
skills, increase their self-esteem and self-confidence
and prepares them to be future spouses, workers, and
good citizens. While it initially takes extra time and
effort on the parents part to invest in teaching,
development and supervision of children’s work in the
home, the payoff in skill development, self-esteem and
self-confidence cannot be understated. Eventually, when
parents take the time to teach their children alongside
them as they perform routine tasks of housework, yard
work (lots of yard work) and vehicle maintenance, I
believe that these stressors are not damaging but rather
empower children to become responsible equipped young
adults.
Several of the ways in which I encourage work skills is
to find jobs for my children when I am working. For
example, if they are at my office, I will often ask them
to assist with taking out the garbage, remove staples,
etc. This also gives them ownership and teaches them
how much effort is required to maintain a certain level
of cleanliness. They become less likely to be
inconsiderate of others if they are also responsible for
helping clear the table, unload the dishwasher, put away
clothes, pick up toys etc. It also prepares them to be
successfully launched into work or college careers after
high school. We can not rely on the educational system
alone to teach the skills and provide the character
education that should be learned at home. While
initially children are not “happy” about having to help,
it does not take long before they have a great pride in
their accomplishments and value the amount of work that
parents put in to keep the family going. It is
difficult, but we should remain focused on how
developing valuable attitudes, activities, and skills
will look ten years down the road when as a teenager
they make more than minimum wage because of a strong
work ethic, skills, etc. Also, by giving young adults
opportunities for paid employment prior to leaving high
school, you help them to build their resume, build work
skills and knowledge necessary to obtain higher paying
and/or more pleasing job opportunities in college or
post-high school. As an additional benefit, when we
work as a family team, there ends up being more time for
family fun and activities.
While I am not a parenting guru and feel my failings in
parenting regularly, as an employer, these are some
attributes that I value and try to instill in my own
children:
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Taking the initiative: One of the main family
mottos is that it takes a Team. If mommy or daddy
are up working it is children’s responsibility to
come to us and ask “How can I help you?” this
teaches them the pivotal work skill of taking the
initiative in the situation. Taking the initiative
at work generally leads to better pay, opportunities
and respect in the work environment.
-
Problem Solving:
Give kids room to figure some things out for
themselves. They need to have the freedom to learn
from trial and error within the safety of adult
supervision. Ask them how they would solve the
problem. You may be surprised by their creative
input. Interestingly, when my chain saw broke, I
ordered a new clutch because I thought the parts had
separated. My son, Joshua, looked at the “broken”
parts and was able to put the springs and pieces
together. Unfortunately, I had already installed
the new clutch but I paid him for “saving me some
money.” Allowing children and young adults to be an
integral part of problem solving increases their
self-image and feelings of worth in the family
unit. In many job situations problem solving skills
are imperative to the smooth work flow and
efficiency of the work team, and these days
efficiency is highly valued. One of my favorite
compliments to make to our children is when they do
something creative.
-
Organizational Strategies:
We have taught our children that organization is key
to a smooth running home and office and decreases
the stress in the overall family dynamics. We teach
the children to layout clothes the night before,
pre-pack lunch boxes the night before, have a hook
for back packs to go after homework checked and
daily planner signed. We are not legalistic but
they realize we may not arrive at school as early as
they want if it takes longer in the morning to get
ready so they have bought into the plan. If they
mistakenly leave their book bags at home, I usually
will just let them explain to their teachers and
realize they are responsible to be organized and
prepared. They do not do this often.
-
Time Management Strategies:
If we have 20-30 minutes prior to leaving for school
or some event we take that time to do quick
clean-ups and keep the process moving. We teach
about leaving on time and taking into account
traffic, train, etc. We try to teach the importance
of being on time because their future boss or client
will not want to hear why they were late to work;
they will just note that they were late to work.
For example, everyone knows the potential of getting
caught by a train on the way to drop off at the
elementary school. At work, I have a two-minute
rule. If it only takes two minutes then go ahead
and get it done rather than waist time shuffling
papers and trying to prioritize the task.
Parenting is hard work and extremely time consuming but
it is one of the most rewarding roles that I have. As
parents we need to focus on the long-term returns as we
raise our children to become responsible, moral,
hardworking young adults. Consider the vocabulary
change from teenager to young adults in your homes and
inspire your young adults to achieve great things in
their young adult life. There is an excellent book
written by teenagers Alex and Brett Harris entitled
Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low
Expectations, They also have a website at
TheRebelution.com. This would be an excellent book
study for youth groups and parents to share with their
children. Seize the day.
Disclaimer: The above Article
is intended to give you, the consumer, insight into various legal topics. This
information is not intended as legal advice, but rather helpful topical
information.
 If
you require professional legal services regarding
Consumer Protection, Family Law, Estate Law,
Employment Law, Business Law, and Bankruptcy Law issues, be proactive in
protecting your legal
rights by seeking the legal advice of
an experienced
Jacksonville criminal defense attorney
& lawyer. Contact
The Law Offices of
Steven M. Fahlgren, P.A.,
by calling
904.845.2255.
Jacksonville Attorney - Lawyer,
providing experienced Consumer Protection, Family Law, Estate Law,
Employment Law, Business Law, and Bankruptcy Law legal
representation in Jacksonville, Hilliard, Duval County,
Nassau County and the surrounding Northeast Florida areas.
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